RANSVESTIA

ing me full-time life as a mother-to-be for the entire week. I wore the form 24 hours a day and the effect was overwhelming. By the end of the week every movement characteristic of a woman at full term had become natural to me and I felt locked into the role. This was without doubt the physically and emotionally most satisfying and fulfilling ex- perience of my life. But now this maternity role must fade as my age advances.

Every FP wonders at times why they are a transvestite and many times I've sifted through the memories of my childhood days in search of reasons. There are several possibilities but I leave the answers to Virginia who has so ably analyzed the causes of transvestism in her treatises in the pages of Transvestia.

My early background is unremarkable and my parents quite or- dinary people. For the first four years a grandmother took care of me during the daytime while my mother worked. My earliest memory of cross-dressing is at age four. My childhood memory of my mother is of a self-sacrificing unselfish woman. I cannot recall ever hearing her complain or raise her voice in anger. She wore very plain clothes, little if any make-up and did not accentuate her femininity. A few years ago I told her of my transvestism in hopes she could offer some clues as to the reasons for it, but to no avail; she disclaimed any knowledge of my cross-dressing activities. She described me as a secretive child which probably explains why I was able to avoid detection throughout childhood.

My father spent all his spare time in sports activities, which I detested. He rarely got involved with my childhood activities. He avoided conflicts and problems and my mother usually babied him by shielding him from bad news and trouble. Neither parent showed any great amount of outward display of affection toward me as a child; our relationship was a sort of neutral congenialness.

My childhood dressing was done in the attic using cast off clothes from my mother's rag bag. From the very beginning I dressed as com- pletely as possible but always in secret. The dressing continued through high school and college, interrupted now and then by the usual purges. Only during courtship did the desire to cross-dress diminish for any extended period, as described earlier. I grievously regret that I failed to tell my wife of my transvestism during our